I can’t believe it’s been 7 years.
My original post seven years ago revised.
I knew this day would come, yet there was still so much left unsaid—so much I thought I needed to say…
For years, I had been trying to heal the wound between us. I removed myself from his life and did not speak to him for almost 18 years. My childhood held so many traumas that felt impossible to unravel, and for a long time, I struggled with fear and hopelessness, wondering if I would ever truly heal. Where do you even begin when the pain feels bigger than you?
One day, when the time was right, my Higher Self presented me with the opportunity to heal. Looking back, I can see that up until then, I simply wasn’t ready, and definitely had not met the right person to guide me through the process. I had spent years hiding my feelings—or more accurately, hiding from them. Growing up, there weren’t many options for diving into the deep level of healing I knew I needed. My pain wasn’t just a single wound; it was layered, touching every part of my being.
Systemic abuse and trauma don’t just affect one area of your life—it touches everything. And being an empathic, sensitive person only made it more overwhelming. Most therapists at the time didn’t know what to do with someone like me. So, for years, I carried it alone, not knowing where to begin.
But that day, something shifted. My years of searching were coming to an end… And the Journey began. My Inner Spirit Girl had been waiting for this moment—She was ready… And so was I. Together, we began the work to heal our life and reclaim our power.
For so many, this is where the spiritual journey truly begins—with the realization that healing is not just about fixing what is broken, but about reclaiming what was lost. And so it was with me.
In the process, I learned compassion—for myself, for my father, and for the person I had become because of my experiences. I came to understand that my healing was never just for me. It rippled outward in ways I couldn’t yet fully grasp—breaking cycles of abuse for my boys, creating the possibility of something better for their children, and even reaching back through generations. Ancestral healing; The family lines, those who came before me, had no idea healing was possible or even needed. It was simply the way things were, and they didn’t know how to change.
And yes, even for my father. Though he was no longer here, and we never spoke the words in this lifetime, healing and energy never truly end. Energy has no bounds, and healing can absolutely continue with the Soul after it has left this earth. Thoughts, emotions, intentions—they are all energy, and that energy can reach a Soul anywhere…Anywhere. Just because the physical form is gone doesn’t mean the healing stops. It moves, it transforms, it learns, and it grows. This kind of energy speaks long after words have faded.
"I came to realize that healing isn’t about reaching a finish line—it’s about arriving in a space where pain no longer holds power over you. It’s that quiet moment of realization: Oh… I see now. I understand why this happened. I get it. If you’ve ever experienced this shift, you know the feeling—when understanding unravels, and with it, a new perspective emerges."
After all the healing I had done, I reached a place of unconditional understanding—an inner knowing, a spiritual clarity about life, about why we experience certain things, and how they shape us. I had finally settled into a deep sense of peace within myself, a safe space where I felt whole and liberated.
I had even started toying with the idea of reaching out to my dad. And for what? I wasn’t sure. Just to say hi, to see how he was doing… maybe to open a door that had been closed for so long. But before I could take that step, within three months of those thoughts, he was gone. My father passed.
I never got the chance to say the words to him in person—"I forgive you. I’m sorry. This must have been hard for you too." His passing hit me in a way I hadn’t expected. He was only in his 60s—I thought he had more time. Maybe I thought he’d live forever. But the weight of his absence was heavier than I had imagined.
Now, I want to pause here and reflect on something. I have some thoughts and theories about that. Even though I had changed, maybe he had not. Maybe reconnecting with him would have been disappointing or even hurtful. Maybe it wouldn’t have lived up to the idea I had in my head.
And, along the lines of what I said before, healing frees our ancestors and our family line. Even though I hadn’t spoken to him in years, on a spiritual level, he could feel me physically release him. Fear and hate can bind us to someone just as much as love can. But I no longer feared him, and I had stopped hating him. Because I was free, he was free too. He no longer had to stay if he didn’t want to—he was free to leave if he chose. And so, he did.
I believe every soul has exit points, moments where they can choose to stay or go. For him, this was one of those moments. And for me, it was a choice too—to heal or not to heal. And so, I did... Now, we are both free.
Still, being a Medium and understanding life after death gave me something to hold onto. I knew this wasn’t the end of our chance to communicate.
Then, three days after his passing, he came to me in my living room. He didn’t yet know how he had died (in his sleep), but he was absolutely thrilled about where he had arrived. With a big, beaming smile, he said, “You’re not going to believe where I’m at!” I laughed and said, “Yeah, Dad, I know.”
See, my father never knew what I did for a living. I don’t think he would have understood it beyond the framework of his religious beliefs. But he definitely understands it now.
Since that day, our understanding and healing have deepened. He visits, checking in on me, and I show him what healing looks like in physical form. He listens, learns, takes accountability—even offering apologies and comfort. Now, he sees the impact of his actions and is finding his own path to healing. Because healing has no boundaries—not of time, space, or even life and death. A soul never stops learning.
I’ve taken my father with me on my healing journey, showing him the path I’ve walked. At times, when I’m working through another layer of healing, he appears—to witness, to hold space, to understand. In life, he never knew how to do this for himself. His pain ran deep—wounds from childhood, a head injury from a car accident, years of seizures, and the grip of alcoholism. But now, from the other side, he watches as I show him another way. And he learns.
My life—this journey—has been a blessing I couldn’t always see, but with hindsight and so much healing I see how, every wound, every lesson, has shaped me into the person I am today. And now, through my work, I help others find their own path to healing, to wholeness.
Healing is never a straight path, but every step, every moment of understanding, brings us closer to freedom—both for ourselves and the people we love… and even hate sometimes. My journey with my father continues, just in a different way, reminding me that love, healing, and growth never truly end.
Thank you for being here and for sharing this space with me. If any part of my story speaks to you, may it serve as a light on your own path and to remind you that you are not alone on this Life’s Journey.
With love and warm blessings,
Laurine Tonkin
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